Most of the music that I listen to is "Christian" although my husband has gotten me into a few Country artists and songs, and I every so often listen to the radio station that plays songs from my high school years. But music, especially songs with lyrics, mark my life out. Some songs bring me to tears to this day, regardless of what my mood might be when it comes on. Others have the same effect but make me smile or laugh. Either way, music is an important part of how I associate with life.
One song that my husband has gotten me into is "She Don't Know She's Beautiful" by Sammy Kershaw. (Because I know nothing about Sammy, please do not in any way interpret this as me plugging him as a great artist...the song just helps me relate to something I struggle with...that's it really.)
Morning comes and her hair's all a mess
That's when she thinks she looks her worst
It's times like this she don't know why
I can't take my eyes off her
'Cause she don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Growing up, I was raised to see people as more than what they appeared to be. I was taught that a person's value did not depend on how pretty, thin, tall, etc. they were; their value lay far deeper in their personality, their talents, their skills, etc. I was taught simply:
It's a great way to look at yourself and at others. Beauty fades. Weights can change. But the epitome of a person comes from within and generally does not change that dramatically. But where it failed me is that I learned to value myself purely on internal things and to actually reject any physical attractiveness I might posess. I could accept someone calling me "cute", but I was not pretty, nor beautiful. To this day, I struggle with the idea that I can be physically beautiful. It just can't be. And this is much to my loving husband's frustration, I know.
Last night he told me how beautiful I am. But all I could see was the dimples in my buttocks and thighs and the number on the scale representing the large amount of weight I've put on during my pregnancy. I could not see how I could be beautiful. Like I said, I struggle with this...present tense verb...this is something that I will fight the rest of my life. But I know that there is beauty that goes more than skin deep. There is beauty that age, gravity, body weight, etc. cannot destroy or rob us of.
Now that's the beauty I want! That's the beauty I strive for.
And what I know is this--when we attain the kind of intrinsic beauty that radiates from our hearts and souls, it makes us physically beautiful to those around us. It just does. I don't understand it exactly, but the girls who are in step with God always attract others (even men) regardless of how they look on the outside. In fact, non-believers are often attracted to these women of "beauty" even though they have no idea how to put the attraction into words.
On some level, I think I am attaining this. (At least, it's my goal each day...to be different in the world and to make them ask me why.) People have always trusted me and told me things that there was no justification for sharing with me (and I have always done everything I could to keep their confidences...that's important to me). It's been that way since I was in middle school. And many acquaintances in high school would ask me how and why I was different.
Perhaps my biggest fear is that I'm not audaciously "different" enough to draw those questions these days and to reflect an inner beauty that only God can give (or take away--though He never would!). How about you? Do you know that you are beautiful? If not, hold up your Bible and look in the mirror. You were so beautiful that Jesus died on a cross and rose again. Why? Because He couldn't bear a day without you! And if that doesn't mean you're beautiful, I don't know what will!
And, of course, I have to end with another video...I love these songs!